Clinton Announces 2020 Re-Election Bid

Hillary Clinton is confident she will be elected president in 2016. So confident, in fact, that after losing the West Virginia primary to Bernie Sanders last night Clinton announced she will run for a second term in 2020. In a speech to supporters at a campaign event in Lexington, Kentucky, Clinton exuded pride and humility.

“As I proudly take stock of all the things I will probably accomplish in my first term, my pride is tempered by humility in the face of all the challenges I will almost certainly overcome in my first term.  So it is with great pride and deep humility that I announce tonight I will seek a second term as your president just as soon as my first term is done.”

After an awkward silence, Clinton sought to fire up the crowd by laying out her re-election strategy.

“It’s not enough to spend four years fighting for Bernie’s agenda!  It’s going to take eight years!  Maybe twelve!  Constitution Schmonstitution!  Working together we can do it!  Come on!  FOUR TO EIGHT MORE YEARS! FOUR TO EIGHT MORE YEARS! Who’s with me?!”

The lackluster cheer and smattering of applause that followed didn’t seem to bother Clinton.

“I know this may seem premature to some, but don’t worry, I’ve been planning this since I was seven years old. Trust me, Hillary’s got this.”