Ryan Follows Through on Threat to Endorse Trump

Following yesterday’s meeting between House Speaker Paul Ryan and presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump, Ryan told reporters that while he was not quite ready to endorse Trump, he expected to reach a decision soon. At the time, at least one Republican Congressman suggested that Ryan was holding out the threat of an endorsement for good reason.

“The Speaker is trying to blackmail Trump into behaving more presidential. The problem with that is Trump. The man is not leader-of-the25457697902_e1408915f7_z-free-world material. He would make a great Congressman, though.”

Today, Paul Ryan finally delivered on his threat, potentially dooming Trump’s presidential aspirations. The House Speaker made the announcement this morning at a meeting of the House Republican caucus.

“Let me be clear, Donald Trump is a buffoon who is about to destroy the Republican brand. I will do anything to undermine his candidacy. Therefore, after much deliberation I have concluded that I have no choice but to endorse Mr. Trump for President. My support, added to that of Ben Carson, Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin, should just about do him in.”

The Trump campaign Immediately fired back at Ryan.

“Donald Trump does not seek nor will he accept the endorsement of Pathetic Paul Ryan. Ryan is an intelligent, thoughtful legislator who wants to make a positive difference in the lives of everyday Americans. SAD! Also, somebody on the internet said Paul Ryan is a vampire. Not the cool, sexy kind of Tom Cruisey vampire, more like the evil, disgusting kind of vampire you’d get if Tom Cruise actually was a vampire!”