Michigan Governor Hospitalized After Drinking Leaded Coffee

Governor Rick Snyder was rushed to the hospital last night after he drank a cup of coffee at a diner in Flint, Michigan. The governor was in town to assure community leaders that the state is taking adequate measures to address the city’s contaminated water crisis.

The governor’s office issued a statement explaining what happened.

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“After a very productive meeting Governor Snyder stopped at a local diner to mingle with regular voters. The governor explained that President Obama’s Environmental Protection Agency is responsible for the lead contamination in Flint’s water and insisted that, while he will not accept blame for somebody else’s mistakes, the governor takes seriously his solemn duty to protect the health of all Flint residents who might vote against him. It was at this point that the governor’s constituents offered him a cup of very black coffee, probably to thank the governor and signal their whole-hearted support for his conservative policies. Unfortunately, the governor was under the impression that all coffee is brewed with filtered water flown in from natural springs in France. This is not the case.”

Complaining of stomach cramps and a bitter aftertaste the governor was admitted to McLaren Flint Hospital where his political future is listed in critical condition.