At a rally in Columbus, Ohio last night, Donald Trump delighted his followers and shocked members of the press when he used The Force to choke reporters who follow his campaign. Trump’s ruthless display of Sith power came as the presumptive nominee took his customary swipe at the press corps. This time, however, Trump went one chilling step further.
“I shouldn’t say this but, oh what the hell, look at these so-called ‘reporters’ penned up in the back there. Pathetic! You know all they do is tell lies about me. ‘Trump’s a clown. Trump’s a this or a that.’ So sad. They’d choke on the truth. You know what? That’s a tremendous idea!”
With that, Trump furrowed his brow and pointed his finger at the press pen, causing reporters to clutch desperately at their throats as the delirious crowd cheered their candidate on. Fortunately, Trump’s concentration was broken when fans began chanting, “Long live Lord Trump! Long live Lord Trump!”
Soaking up the love, Trump released his grip on the reporters, leaving them gasping for air.
“I have to say that has a nice ring to it. ‘Lord Trump.’ But shouldn’t it be ‘Presumptive Lord Trump’? No matter. One day soon I’ll be President Lord Trump and when that day comes my destiny will be fulfilled! I AM the master you’re looking for!”