Cop in Hot Water After “Forgetting” to Rough Up Black Man

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A Houston, Texas police officer is under investigation for not beating up a man in his custody. Rookie officer Louis Jenkins, who claims he forgot to pummel an African American he pulled over last week, is charged with gross dereliction of duty and failure to abuse. Jenkins’ attorney, Paul Streeter, spoke with reporters in front of City Hall this morning.

“My client has done absolutely nothing wrong, and that’s what’s landed his dumb ass in this poop storm. It turns my stomach to have to represent a low-life scum who thinks he can get away with “forgetting” to do his sworn duty. Please! Louis Jenkins is a disgrace. He doesn’t deserve to wear the uniform.”

The charges against Jenkins’ stem from an arrest he made on May 19th. Dash cam video shows that Jenkins pulled over Marvin Teels, a black man, for driving. Following department procedure, Jenkins drew his weapon and ordered Teels to get out of his car and drop the gun he didn’t have. Jenkins then handcuffed Teels but failed to kick, gouge, pistol whip, tase, shoot, run over, sucker punch, douse in hot coffee or kill Teels.

Jenkins later insisted he had meant to do all of those things.

“I just forgot. I was reaching for my billy club when my wife texted me a video of our two-month old daughter getting her bath. I saw that and I lost my train of thought. Is that a crime?”

Officer Jenkins has been restricted to desk duty pending results of a criminal investigation.