Conservative firebrand Rush Limbaugh unintentionally made radio history today when his head exploded on air, a development that both threatened to end his career and brought him the highest ratings of his career. The explosion appears to have been caused by a spark that set off a volatile mixture of bombast and bullshit.
Limbaugh was talking about Hillary Clinton.
“Hillary Clinton was behind Benghazi, Whitewater, the Kennedy assassination, the break-up of the Beatles, the secret plot to overthrow Castro, the Ford Pinto, the secret plot to overthrow the secret plot to overthrow Castro, autism, diaper rash, the O’Reilly puppy kidnapping and Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones. Now we’re going to elect this woman president?! My God! She should be in jail! What’s the matter with this country? If I hear one more lame-brained liberal tell me Hillary Clinton is good for America I swear to Reagan I’m going to lose it! On the other hand, the liberals may be right about one thing-”
A press release from Premiere Radio Networks sought to calm listeners’ fears.
“Rush Limbaugh experienced a sudden cranial expansion caused by a spark brought on by an ‘original thought’ that occurred when he almost considered someone else’s point of view. In the future, Rush will think twice before he thinks twice.”
While no official timetable has been given for Limbaugh’s return, sources say it will take several weeks for the studio to undergo a thorough brainwashing.