Sanders: Clinton Votes Were Cast Sarcastically

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Actual Photo of Bernie Sanders Smiling

Bernie Sanders says he deserves to win the Democratic Party’s nomination because people who voted for Hillary Clinton were just kidding when they cast their ballots. Yelling at an event in Visalia, California, Sanders told supporters if people had known their votes would actually count they would have voted for him.

“These were sarcastic votes, plain and simple! I get it, too! It is sort of funny to vote for Secretary Clinton! As a matter of fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret: when I voted in my home state of Vermont, I voted for Hillary! Why not?! But now I’m told Secretary Clinton has millions more votes than me! WTF! I appreciate a good joke as much as the next guy, but this has gotten out of hand! Am I the only one who understands a sarcastic vote for Hillary Clinton is really a sincere vote for Bernie Sanders?!”

Riffing on one of his campaign’s main themes, Sanders criticized superdelegates  for missing the obvious.

“Look, when you combine her sarcastic votes with my sincere votes I win this thing in a landslide! The superdelegates need to wake up to the fact that the sarcastic people of this country prefer the status quo, and by that I mean they’re desperate for a revolution! When they say they want an even keeled, experienced, intelligent woman for president, they’re really saying they want an angry, left-wing, socialist-democrat man! That’s how sarcasm works!”

When she was told of Sanders’ remarks, Hillary Clinton issued a brief statement.

“Bernie’s right.”