House Republicans Move to Pre-Impeach Hillary Clinton

Actual Photo of Paul Ryan Squishing a Tiny Democrat

With Hillary Clinton now the Democratic Party’s presumptive nominee and a virtual lock to win the presidency, House Speaker Paul Ryan had no choice today but to give in to pressure from the Freedom Caucus and initiate pre-impeachment proceedings against Clinton. Ryan told reporters it was the right thing to do.

“Look, I think it’s a great idea to go after Hillary Clinton before she takes the oath of office. That’s the kind of can-do attitude we need more of in Washington. I want Congress to work for the American people again and attacking President Clinton months before she sets foot in the Oval Office is the perfect way to do that.”

Asked what high pre-crimes and pre-misdemeanors would be specified in pre-articles of pre-impeachment, Ryan pointed to the Benghazi Committee Committee he formed last month to investigate the Benghazi Committee’s investigation of Benghazi.

“Neither the Benghazi Committee nor the Benghazi Committee Committee has come up with a smoking gun yet, but that won’t stop us from getting ahead of ourselves. We can’t afford to wait for evidence of wrongdoing to surface before we pre-accuse President Clinton of wrongdoing. That makes no sense.”

Asked what he might do if pre-impeachment efforts stall in the Senate, Ryan suggested there might be more arrows in his legislative quiver.

“Stay tuned. Next week we plan to preview our pre-government shutdown strategy to pre-block President Clinton’s possible budget. And if that doesn’t work, we’re going to take a hard look at bringing post-articles of post-impeachment to address President Clinton’s potential wrongdoing after the fact. Will it work? Hard to say. I can’t predict the past.”