Trump Campaign Declares Bankruptcy, Sues Itself

The Donald Trump presidential campaign declared bankruptcy today and sued itself in an attempt to leverage the hundreds of millions of dollars it will need to compete against Hillary Clinton in the general election. Just before boarding Trump’s Boeing 757, campaign manager Corey Lewandowski explained the legal moves to reporters.

“F**k off!!!”

The communications arm of the campaign moved quickly to clarify Lewandowski’s remarks.

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Actual Photo of a Burning Dollar

“The fundraising arm of the Trump campaign has acted to restructure debt and the legal arm of the Trump campaign has acted to punish the irresponsible decision on the part of the fund raising arm to restructure debt. The Trump campaign fully expects the courts to rule that the Trump campaign owes the Trump campaign a butt load of money, which the Trump campaign cannot pay unless it declares bankruptcy. Enron did this in ‘97 so there is legal precedence.”

The candidate himself declined to answer questions about his campaign’s unorthodox legal maneuvers.

“I don’t comment on ongoing legal litigation, no matter how terrific. But I will say this, we’re going to build such a big beautiful wall between us and Canada and the Canadians are going to pay for it because, if they don’t, we’re going to tear down the wall we’re going to build between us and Mexico and we’re going to send the Mexican criminals and rapists straight up to Canada. That’s not to say I don’t love Mexicans because I do. It’s the sissy Canadians I can’t stand.”