Trump Visited by Three Ghosts

Actual Photo of Nixon’s Ghost

A reporter embedded inside the Donald Trump presidential campaign has confirmed that Donald Trump was visited last night by three spirits who were confident Trump would win the presidency. The ghosts were reportedly those of Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and surprisingly, George W. Bush, whom many consider to be still alive. The transcript of Trump’s eerie experience is certain to frighten democrats. Below are excerpts.

Reagan: It’s morning in America, Donald! You will make America great again. Just remember to screw the commies. Well, don’t literally screw the commies. F@#k the commies! Well that didn’t sound right either. Well, never mind, you know what I mean. Honestly, I mean f@#k the commies!

Nixon: Reagan’s an idiot. You’ve got this thing in the bag. But listen, you gotta be tough, kid. You gotta go after your enemies and make ‘em pay for what they did to me! Make ‘em all pay! And then you gotta go to China and show those sneaky little bastards who’s boss! And don’t forget to f@#k the commies! You’re not recording this, are you?

Bush: How the hell did I get here? You want my advice? Heh heh heh! You know who I am, right? Fine, uh 9/11! Oh, and jiggle the handle of the toilet on Air Force One. It drives the pilot crazy.

While Trump has not publicly acknowledged the visits, he took to twitter yesterday to brag about his position in the polls among the dead: “Tremendous! Rotting corpses love me too! Going to go shoot somebody and pad my lead! #Hyyyuuuugepenis2016 #Hillary’sboobsfake!”