A gun owner in Buffalo, Wyoming, was devastated this morning when he discovered that Barack Obama sneaked into his home last night and took away all his guns. In a phone interview with thefloydspin’s Midwest Bureau, Wade Clopper described how he lost not only his firepower but, in no small part, his innocence.
“I can’t believe it! I keep my babies locked up good and tight under my daughter’s mattress, but Obama found ‘em anyway! Now what am I supposed to do? I feel scared and naked, the bad kind of naked. What kind of man sneaks into another man’s castle and runs off with his killing mojo? Why couldn’t he take my Harley, or my TV, or my wife?”
The theft provoked an immediate response from second amendment advocates furious with the President. Senator Joni Ernst (NRA-IA), angrily called for Congress to look into whether the President’s brazen actions warrant impeachment hearings.
“We Republicans have been warning America for years that Obama’s after our guns. Well, it’s finally happened. Mr. Clopper is up to his sweaty groin in a vast liberal conspiracy to deny people their constitutional right to shoot other people. Now Mr. Clopper will have to shoot other people with an axe or a baseball bat. Mr. Clopper is an American, not a Canadian, and President Obama needs to pay for what he’s done to this man!”
Minutes after Senator Ernst’s statement, Clopper called thefloydspin back with good news.
“Found ‘em! The wife locked ’em all up in my gun safe. I didn’t even know I had a gun safe! I told her next time she does that I’m gonna have to get drunk and go duck hunting in the living room again. Now she won’t give me the damn key! I do not understand that woman.”