California Teen Rules out Trump Vice-Presidential Nod

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Actual Photo of Any Old Teen With Braces

Cindy Shapiro, a 13 year-old girl from San Luis Obispo, California, today joined the growing number of people who refuse to be considered for the vice-presidential spot on the Republican ticket alongside Donald Trump. Shapiro made it clear that, while she was flattered to be on Trump’s short list, she has other priorities.

“I’m glad Mr. Trump thought of me, but I don’t think I could help him win anyway. Maybe if I didn’t have braces and stuff. But even still, who picks a teenager, no matter how mature she is for her age? Also, I’m a freshman now and I’m focused on jayvee cheerleader tryouts. If I’m campaigning all around the country, going to fundraisers, talking to a bunch of white grown-ups, it’s going to be super hard to learn dance routines. Go Tigers!”

The Trump campaign took the news in stride.

“Cindy is an outstanding young lady with a bright future ahead of her. We’re sorry to lose her talents but we are confident one of Mr. Trump’s second tier candidates, be it Newt Gingrich or Chris Christie or someone else with a pulse, will be desperate enough to take the job. We wish Miss Shapiro success in high school and look forward to offering her a cabinet spot in the Trump Administration. We hope to have Cindy’s vote on November 5th.”

Informed of Trump’s continued interest in her, Shapiro did her best to slam the door shut.

“Does he even know I’m too young to vote?  And even if I could, I’d vote for somebody who understands me. Maybe Bernie or Beyonce, but not a creepy old man who picks a teenager for vice-president. Besides, even I know the election is November 8th. Loser!”