ISIL: “Congrats” to Trump for Being Right

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Actual Photo of an Evil but Dreamy Terrorist

ISIL today congratulated Donald Trump for being right about radical Islamic terrorism and for correctly predicting an attack against America like the one that took place at Pulse, the gay nightclub in Orlando. In a rambling statement posted online, ISIL praised the Republican presidential nominee.

“Donald Trump foretold we would attack the American infidels and we are happy to say we did as he said, whether it was truly we that did this or not, which, if we did not do this, it seems to us this is much like the kind of thing we would do if we had the chance, which maybe we did and maybe we didn’t, but truly we didn’t. But today we do not offer praise to ISIL, today we offer praise to Donald Trump for his glorious predicting. Congrats!”

Clearly afraid Trump would drag down their polling numbers, too, ISIL took a cue from Congressional Republicans and stopped short of endorsing Trump for President.

“Trump indeed reminds us of us. He hates with the best and we should know, for we are the best. Keep up the good works, Mr. Trump. We offer support to you, but we do not endorse you. We feel in our hearts that ‘endorse’ is too strong a word for our feelings about this man who says he will bomb our innocent families, though we do respect the sentiment.”

Given the opportunity to condemn ISIL’s brutal ideology, Trump responded predictably, with a spell-check challenged tweet.

“Haters in America LOVE Trump, now haters in MIDDEAST do to! Congrats 2 ME!”