The Bill Clinton-Loretta Lynch Secret Tarmac Transcript!

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Actual Photo of a Bag Full of Money Somebody Dropped

When Bill Clinton met with Loretta Lynch on the tarmac Monday at Phoenix’s Sky Harbor International Airport, neither the former president nor the Attorney General was aware of thefloydspin reporter imbedded in the overhead bin above Lynch. The secret transcript of their conversation supports Lynch’s assertion that there was no discussion about the Department of Justice investigation into Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server.

Clinton: Loretta! Good to see you! Damn! It’s hotter out there than a pack of hound dogs barbecuing a salamander in a stinky sock stuffed with mama’s butter biscuits!

Lynch: Excuse me, Mr. President but I don’t think it’s proper for us to-

Clinton: Don’t fret, Loretta. I just wanted to come over and say hello and show you some pictures of the grandkids.

Lynch: Mr. President, is that a picture of your-

Clinton: Oops! Don’t know how that got on my phone. Here you go. Ain’t they cuter than two tattooed tadpoles in a Texas taco shell stuffed with mama’s butter biscuits?

Lynch: They are certainly-

Clinton: I’ll tell you something else. Between you and me, they got their grandma’s steely resolve. They were both born potty-trained! Have you ever heard of such a thing? Why, that’s crazier than a drunk possum playin’ poker with a porcupine on a-

Lynch: Uh, Mr. President, while I appreciate your colorful-

Clinton: Relax, Loretta. I’ll get outta your hair. Hey, it looks like somebody dropped a bag full of money! There must be $25,000 dollars in here! Is this yours?

Lynch: Sir, this could have the appearance of-

Clinton: Well look at the time! I better scat. I tell you what, I’m busier than a muskrat at a bar mitzvah eatin’ mama’s-

Lynch: Butter biscuits.

Clinton: I was gonna say grits.

Lynch: Mr. President, conversations with you are stranger than a-

Clinton: A snake with a limp?

Lynch: Keep the bag, Mr. President.

Clinton: That dog won’t hunt?

Lynch: That dog definitely will not hunt.

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