Trump Kindergarten Faces Legal Scrutiny

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The State of New York has launched a criminal investigation into fraudulent practices at The Trump Kindergarten School for Business. The probe mirrors other investigations into Trump University, Trump Middle School, Trump High School and The Donald J. Trump Night School for Working Moms and Other Suckers. A spokesperson for the New York Attorney General’s office provided details of the investigation.

“We have received dozens of complaints alleging that students at The Trump Kindergarten School for Business paid to be taught the ABCs of business but were instead shown old Disney movies and videos of Donald Trump’s campaign speeches. The result was that students came away from the class illiterate and deathly afraid of Muslims, Elizabeth Warren and evil queens disguised as old hags hustling apples.”

The parents of one 5 year-old spoke with a reporter from thefloydspin’s Manhattan Bureau.

“They kept pressuring little Travis to open a lemonade stand to pay for his tuition, but when he finally did, Trump used eminent domain to shut him down. What kind of no good, heartless huckster does that?”

An attorney for Trump issued a statement urging the kids to continue their education.

“These children received the best business education lunch money can buy. The fact that they failed to get rich quick will be rectified when they enroll in The Trump Kindergarten School for Unethical Business. If that doesn’t help them achieve their dreams, maybe they’re just slow. Not every 5 year-old can be as smart as Donald Trump.”

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