Ted Cruz Calls for Investigative Investigation into Clinton Investigations

Actual Photo of Ted Cruz Faking Sincerity

Republican Senator Ted Cruz went on Meet the Press yesterday to call for the appointment of a special prosecutor to investigate Hillary and Bill Clinton for being investigated. Cruz told Chuck Todd that the Clintons have abused the investigative process for decades.

“Since the 90’s, the Clintons have been investigated dozens of times. Nothing much has ever come of these investigations, which is why it’s critical we look at what’s behind them. What has every investigation of the Clintons had in common? Duh! The Clintons, that’s what. I’m surprised I’m the first person to figure this out. The Clintons intentionally invite one investigation after another to distract from their real misdeeds.”

When Todd asked Cruz what wrongdoings the Clintons should be held accountable for, Cruz deployed his trademark genial smirk.

“Are you kidding? There’s a whole list. Instead of being investigated for Whitewatergate, Travelgate, Benghazigate and Emailgate, we should go after them for High Employmentgate, Low Inflationgate, Budget Surplusgate, Reaching Across the Aisle to Work with the Other Sidegate and most egregious of all, Competent Leadershipgate.”

The Texas senator didn’t take kindly to Todd’s suggestion that his list of misdeeds seemed more like accomplishments.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Their only accomplishment was making republicans look bad for cutting taxes for job creators, bathing the Middle East in American democracy, and gently steering the economy into a sustainable ditch. The Clintons need to pay for that. At the very least, it warrants endless investigations.”

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