White Lives Matter Meeting Ends in Tragedy

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Actual Photo of Baton Rouge White Lives Matter Sharing a Chuckle

That didn’t take long. Leaders of the Baton Rouge, Louisiana chapter of White Lives Matter met for the first time Sunday, only to disband immediately after their meeting. Cheryl Truss, spokeswoman for the group, told thefloydspin what happened.

“I was all fired up, looking forward to making a difference in the lives of oppressed white people everywhere. I booked a conference room for nine o’clock at the Holiday Inn and sent out an Evite. Needless to say, I was very pleased when four people showed up. After we finished our Starbucks and breakfast burritos, we broke up into discussion groups to identify examples of the oppression our people face every day. People were bringing up some very valid points. Did you know white people can’t jump? What a terrible shame! Excuse me, I don’t mean to get emotional.”

Truss bravely dabbed a tear from her alabaster cheek and went on.

“Anyway, just as we were discussing which Kinko’s to use to print up our protest signs, about a hundred cops in full riot gear showed up out of nowhere! They had the room booked from ten to noon – some kind of riot gear conference. Well what could we do? They booked it. We asked if they wouldn’t mind us using a table off in the corner and they said okay, no problem. The police in Baton Rouge are so nice! You just want to give them a hug! Oh look at me, I’m crying again!”

Another dab.

“We sat down at our table but the police were going through drills, swinging their batons and shouting ‘GUN GUN GUN!!!’ Well, it was too loud to concentrate. And we were all pretty upset that our demands still hadn’t been met, so we quit. I think we all learned a valuable lesson: being white is hard!”

Dab.

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