On the heels of his call for testing and deportation of Muslim Americans who believe in sharia law, Newt Gingrich has been named an honorary terrorist by ISIS. The extremist group, which is not known for doling out awards to people who are still in one piece, said in a statement written on a piece of unexploded ordinance and dropped off at thefloydspin’s Bagdad Bureau that they wanted to show appreciation for Gingrich’s unique contribution to their cause.
“You cannot purchase this kind of publicity! A million thank-you’s to our best mortal frenemy Newt Gingrich for his help with the recruiting. Now our call for jihad against the white infidel will have a new name and that new name will have a new face and that new face will have a new sneer and that new sneer will be on Newt Gingrich’s smiling, sneering face.”
Gingrich wasn’t the only person ISIS considered for the award.
“We wish to inform Donald Trump, who himself was once worthy of our congrats, that he was very close to winning today. But we have large hopes that he and Mike Pence can also help with recruitment when Donald Trump triumphs in November. TrumPence 2016! Fingers are crossed!”