Republican Leadership Stricken by Trumpnesia

Actual Photo of a Human Brain Afflicted by Trumpnesia

Donald who? That’s the question being asked by House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, both of whom have been stricken with severe Trumpnesia, the debilitating brain disorder that causes victims to forget the name of the knucklehead who is using Twitter to attack Khizr Khan, the father of an Iraq War hero. In separate statements, the two men displayed the classic symptoms of Trumpnesia.

Paul Ryan: “Look, whoever it was that tweeted mean-spirited, childish abuse directed at Mr. Khan should be ashamed of himself, if indeed someone did that, which, who knows, maybe it never happened, but if it did happen, while that would be very bad I would never read that tweet which we have already established may or may not have happened, so I wouldn’t be in a position to comment, though if I had read it, I would certainly be upset that someone who’s name I forgot would have tweeted such an unforgettably unpatriotic tweet which I want to state unequivocally, I have totally forgotten. Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi.”

Mitch McConnell: “What’s a tweet? Doesn’t matter. What matters is that Mr. Khan’s sacrifice, much like the sacrifice of a person who hires thousands of people, must be honored by all of us, except for someone who hired thousands of people which, when you think about it, is a gigantic sacrifice in the sense that it isn’t, which is not to say it’s not at all okay to not attack Mr. Khan, as long as we all remember to forget who attacked Mr. Khan, which I have already done, because that’s what leaders do. Benghazi.”

Medical experts fear Ryan and McConnell may continue to suffer the effects of Trumpnesia until the morning of November 9th. After that, they’ll have to deal with the disease’s after-effects, lingering self-loathing and double testicular absenteeism.

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