One unlucky mosquito just picked the wrong guy to snack on. At a campaign rally today in Tampa, Florida, Donald Trump interrupted his stump speech to show the crowd a mosquito that had landed on his arm. Rather than swat the pest, Trump allowed it to insert its proboscis and drink. Moments later, the mosquito grew dizzy and disoriented. Accompanied by thunderous applause from Trump’s supporters, the mosquito fell to the ground, where it was recovered by a floydspin reporter who brought the unconscious insect to local entomologist, Dr. Henry Platte. Dr. Platte told thefloydspin his test results suggest mosquitoes may want to think twice before making a meal of Trump blood.
“I’ve never seen anything like this. Mosquitoes don’t pass out from biting people. By all rights, Mr. Trump should be infected with the zika virus this little lady is carrying, but it appears the reverse has happened: the mosquito has contracted some sort of brain eating disorder. I call it demagogueassholebigotmisogynutjobfascisteria, because I’m a scientist. In layman’s terms, this mosquito has morphed into a tiny, blood sucking version of Donald Trump. She’s kind of a dick now.”
Dr. Platte warned of dire consequences if Trump is allowed to infect more mosquitoes.
“If more mosquitoes bite Trump and pass demagogueassholebigotmisogynutjobfascisteria on to humans, we could have a catastrophic outbreak on our hands. It would be like the Republican National Convention, only global in scope. Imagine a world full of dicks.”