Donald Trump surprised Dr. Oz and the world at large today when, after first saying he would withhold his medical records pending completion of an audit, he did an abrupt about face, not only releasing the records but, in a national television first, providing a stool sample in front of a live studio audience. Sitting on a 12 foot high throne emblazoned with the gold-plated Trump name, Trump boasted that The Dr. Oz Show’s ratings were sure to benefit from his performance.
“Bingo! Look at that! What do you get when I eat three taco bowls and five hundred dollars in cash? Ratings gold, that’s what! Somebody fish that out for Dr. Oz and somebody call the Smithsonian. We’re making history here!”
Dr. Oz, whose reputation as America’s Witch Doctor annoys actual witch doctors, at first seemed torn between the promise of a ratings bonanza and the less appealing prospect of picking through Trump’s doodoo. That changed when Dr. Oz realized Mr. Trump was literally sitting on a gold mine.
“I just had a great idea for my newest miracle cure! Someone get this man three taco bowls and five hundred dollars in cash!”