Undecided Millennial Still Undecided and Stuff

Actual Photo of Millennial Bird Food

Ron Felker can’t make up his mind. The 24 year-old undecided voter from Raleigh, North Carolina told thefloyspin he watched the first six minutes of the presidential debate Monday night and came away more confused than ever.

“Both candidates had a lot to say about the economy and foreign policy and stuff, but I didn’t hear what I needed to hear. Nobody talked about what matters to me. I want to know how I’ll get paid big bucks to go to college for free. I want to know which candidate is going to fix up my parents’ basement with a juke box, a big screen TV and a fully stocked bar. I want to know if there will be a sweet job waiting for me before I risk it all by filling out an application online. And nobody even mentioned Beyoncé. What’s with that?”

Like many millennials, Felker supported Bernie Sanders in the Democratic primary. Now he says the excitement he felt for Sanders isn’t there for either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.

“Bernie’s the man. When that little bird landed on his podium and he patted it on the head, I said whoa, this guy’s awesome. He gets me. I’ve been thinking about getting a bird ever since. It’s a big step, though. What kind of cheese do birds like on their pizza?”

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