Trump’s Surrogates Bursting with Pride

Actual Photo of Rudy Giuliani Referring to The Wives Who Got Away

Donald Trump’s campaign surrogates are proud of their boss. Several took to the airways yesterday to trash Hillary Clinton and to talk about the restraint Trump showed in Monday night’s debate.

Newt Gingrich: “Donald Trump’s best moment in his decisive debate win came when he didn’t accuse Hillary Clinton of forcing Bill Clinton to cheat on her. Coincidentally, one of my wives – I forget which one –  did the same thing to me. Luckily, I dumped her. Donald Trump also didn’t accuse Hillary of being chubby, pimply and smelly, which proves Donald Trump is the leader America needs. Oh, now I remember, it was the one who had cancer.”

Retired Lieutenant General Michael Flynn: “The polling bounce Smelly Hillary Clinton is getting proves Pimply Hillary Clinton made a disastrous strategic blunder when Chubby Hillary Clinton brought up Chubby Alicia Machado in the debate. This proves Donald Trump is a true American hero. Furthermore, I used to be a general.”

Rudy Giuliani: “The polls I agree with prove Donald Trump won the debate against Smelly, Pimply, Chubby Hillary, probably due to the tremendous courage he displayed when, against all odds, he showed up, said things, gestured, used words and made presidential faces. 9/11. 9/11. 9/11. Stop and frisk. Benghazi. 9/11.”

Chris Christie: “Unlike Fat Hillary, Donald Trump will make America great again. He will be a strong but merciful, presidential pardoning kind of president. I have no further comment pending the outcome of legal proceedings that will pin the blame on someone whom I hope is not me. Who’s up for a snack?”

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