Trump Apologizes for Apologizing

Actual Photo of a Sexual Predator Running for President

It turns out the Donald’s not so sorry after all. In a bold attempt to right his reeling campaign, Donald Trump has apologized for apologizing for offensive comments he made on a hot mic in 2005. Trump’s apology apology, which posted this morning on the campaign’s Facebook page, sought to walk back his previous non-apology apology and subsequent half-apology apology.

“To all my loyal supporters who were offended by my previous apologies, I want to apologize for apologizing for a few entertaining things I said in 2005 even though I’m told by many people I never said, but even if I did, I didn’t mean, but even if I did, all in good fun and Bill Clinton nailed Monica Lewinski and nice boobs but eating machine – I give her two Tic Tacs – and, to recap, I didn’t say, but if I did, I didn’t mean, but if I did, I didn’t. Also, Bill Clinton.”

Reports coming out of Trump Tower suggest senior campaign advisers are crafting an apology apology apology just in case the apology apology fails to satisfy Trump supporters.

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