The ghosts of Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush have had it with Donald Trump. Speaking to thefloydspin through a medium this morning, all three took pains to distance themselves from the republican nominee.
Nixon: I gave that son of a bitch my wise counsel and what happened? The bastard got caught on tape! If I weren’t dead, this would frost my Dick Nixon! And I’m not the only one who’s pissed. I hear Reagan’s gone ballistic. Of course, with our vastly different zip codes, Mr. Sunny Side Up and I don’t talk much. Long distance rates are hell down here!
Reagan: Uh, hello? I’m here. Can you hear me? Hello? Well, I must say Donald was okay while he was beating up on the gays. But now…
Bush: I’m not dead! Why does everybody think I’m – wait, am I? Oh my God, I can’t feel my eyes!
Nixon: Shut up, before I sick Ehrlichman on you! Listen hard because I’m only going to say this once. I’m with Hillary. Sure, she’s not perfect. She’s only two-faced, she needs more enemies and she’s a crappy liar, but she’s a smart cookie and she craves power. Do you hear me, power! POWER POWER POWER!!! Nothing wrong with that!
Reagan: Well, she does believe in America’s future and she-
Reagan: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this-
Nixon: Shut up!
Bush: I can’t feel my lips.