Paul Ryan Gropes for a Way Out

Who’s Got Two Thumbs and No Spine?

The steady drop drop drop of Donald Trump’s closet full of other shoes is taking a toll on Republicans in Congress. And no one knows that better than House Speaker Paul Ryan, who told thefloydspin this morning he has only one goal between now and November 8th.

“Look, I’m focused on making sure Republicans retain control of Congress so we can stop Hillary Clinton from acting like she’s president when she wins, which she won’t, but when she does we can’t let her get away with governing responsibly. And make no mistake, I don’t expect the American people to pick a known woman over a rich, sexually predatory, narcissistic egomaniac man-child with no experience in government and no interest in the nuances of foreign policy, economic policy or, for that matter, any policy I can name. And let’s be clear, I’m courageously no longer defending Donald Trump, though I am voting for him, because…um… hold on, I’m sure there’s a reason… um… um.”

Ryan took a deep breath and checked his Twitter feed, just in case.

“Oh yeah, now I remember. I’m voting for Donald Trump because… crap, I forgot again.”

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