Trump to Host New Beauty Pageant

Actual Photo of a State Trump’s about to Lose

Get ready for the Miss Pretty Enough to Grope Pageant. A source close to Donald Trump tells thefloydspin that after November 8th, the Republican nominee will turn his attention to promoting his post-election brand as a narcissistic, ego-maniacal, tax-evading serial molester.

“It makes sense. After he loses the rigged election on rigged election day, Mr. Trump will go about burnishing his new image. Step one will be the Miss Pretty Enough to Grope Pageant, which is really a misnomer because married women qualify too. This man is a winner and if anybody can make melonade out of melons it’s Donald Trump. Of course, the pageant will lose gobs of money so Mr. Trump won’t be paying taxes until 30 years after he’s dead. The man’s a genius!”

Trump’s pageant will consist of three competitions.

“There’ll be the bathing suit changing competition, the non-disclosure agreement signing competition and the pretending you’re asleep until it’s all over competition. He’s already gotten calls from several congressmen begging to be judges but I have a feeling Mr. Trump will take that upon himself. He’s a pretty hands on guy.”

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