Undecided Voter Decidedly Undecided

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Actual Photo of a Hat

Helen Poisner can’t make up her mind. The Akron, Ohio millennial has studied Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump’s positions on all the issues. She has thoroughly examined the questions of trustworthiness swirling around Clinton and the accusations of racism that have dogged Trump. She has thought long and hard about who is better suited to become the next leader of the free world. And now, with election day just around the corner, Poisner still has no idea who’s going to get her vote.

“I don’t know. At first I was like ‘Trump will totally shake things up’ but then I was like ‘Hillary for sure has the experience’ and later I was thinking ‘but Hillary’s so sneaky’ and after that I was all ‘Trump’s a pervert’ and then I said to myself ‘maybe Gary Johnson or Jill Stein or maybe somebody else or maybe both or maybe a short man with a mustache or a tall woman with a goatee, or maybe a hat or a sandwich or a hat.’ Anyway, that’s where my thinking is right now. I’m definitely open to all possibilities, unless…”

Thefloydspin spoke with Dr. Barbara Sanghvi, an expert in human cognition and brain function at Ohio State University, about what might cause Poisner’s annoying indecisiveness this late in the election season.

“What can I tell you? The woman’s an idiot. Or is she? Just kidding. She is.”

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