Trump’s Foreign Policy Guided by a Coin Flip?

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Actual Photo of a Foreign Policy Disaster

The fickle finger of fate has found a fast friend in Donald Trump. The President-elect’s world view came into stark relief today when it was revealed that Trump uses a coin flip to make his big foreign policy decisions. A senior adviser to the President-elect explained how the process works.

“Let’s say, hypothetically, the leader of Taiwan calls and President-elect Trump thinks Taiwan is the restaurant on 7th Avenue where he gets sushi¬†take-out. But then some hypothetical person on his staff tells him Taiwan is actually a small island in the midst of a long-standing dispute with China that, if managed improperly, could spark World War III. Meanwhile, Taiwan has been on hold for ten minutes and all this talk of take-out has everybody feeling a little peckish. How does the President-elect solve this foreign policy quagmire and still get umami and a California roll? Flip a coin! Heads, you hang up on Taiwan. Tails, you take the call but you make it short by pledging to recognize Taiwan sovereignty if they pay for the sushi. Thank god that coin ended up tails! Best sushi I ever had!”

Surprisingly, Trump’s fifty-fifty decision making is receiving praise from many foreign policy experts. One such expert offered an opinion echoed by many of his colleagues.

“It sounds crazy until you consider the alternative. He could be making these decisions with his brain. There’s a lot to be said for dumb luck.”

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