Putin is Trump’s Top Secret Secret Santa

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Actual Photo of Vladimir Putin Picking Some Brit’s Pocket

Vladimir Putin revealed today that he is Donald Trump’s Secret Santa. In an exclusive interview with thefloydspin, the Russian President complained about how hard it is to get something for a man who has everything.

“I find out in July from Top Secret CIA document I accidentally find in junk mail that I am Secret Santa for Donald. Well, at first I think is difficult to get something special for him. After all, Donald is billionaire tycoon with hot wife and plenty of all things money can steal. But then I think what does Donald want most of all things? Of course! I make him President! Also I give nice pair of wool socks, in case first gift sucks.”

Putin seemed unperturbed by the President elect’s steadfast refusal to believe Russian hacks into Hillary Clinton’s campaign emails were meant to tip the election in his favor.

“Is fine. I know Donald will show appreciation. I think maybe he give me plenty of no more sanctions and also withdrawl of few thousand troops from Europe followed by Amazon gift card. Then we call it even. Is fair trade, no? Warm socks for Donald, cool puppet for me!”

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