President-elect Trump has announced plans to create a new federal agency and his choice to lead it is, to say the least, a little unorthodox. The Department of Shit Scarier Than Trump will be headed by Krrrrschlppmmp, the monster who terrorized Sigourney Weaver in the movie Alien. Trump told thefloydspin Krrrrschlppmmp will be tasked with scaring the living crap out of people.
“It’s simple. My first week in office I’ll make America great again, but after that I’ll need time to fix democracy and the constitution while I eliminate waste, fraud, abuse and my enemies. Well that’s bound to scare the losers who didn’t vote greatly, so for them I’ve invented the Department of Shit Scarier Than Trump. Think about it, one look at Krrrrschlppmmp running the show over at the DSSTT and my secret plan to nuke California won’t bother anyone, except maybe Californians, and after the morning of February 24th they won’t be complaining.”
Trump seemed to relish the thought of tapping a hideous creature with acid blood, an extendable jaw and no government experience to head up a cabinet level agency.
“Krrrrschlppmmp will do a terrific job. She knows how to get things done, she’s not afraid to get her claws bloody and I hear she’s a great mom. If I have one complaint, it’s that she’s evil, but not billionaire evil. I guess nobody’s perfect, right?”