The Rotten Zombie Potato Bong just landed the gig of a lifetime. The high school garage band from Avon, Connecticut got an offer they couldn’t refuse last night, courtesy of the Trump Inaugural Committee. Lead singer and band leader Dwight Poppler told thefloydspin he has mixed feelings about taking the job.
“I thought it was a joke. My phone rings and this old guy says do you guys want to play at the inauguration and I’m like sure, what’s it pay? That kind of surprised him. Old people always think when you’re seventeen you’re stupid. Well I’m smart enough to know everybody and his tone deaf brother turned Trump down, so they must be desperate. Everybody and His Tone Deaf Brother – they’re the shitty band I was in before The Rotten Zombie Potato Bong. Bong rules! Anyways, I have an idea for a hole this guy can shove it in but, before I can suggest it, he says the gig pays three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. I figure okay, Trump’s about to screw us sideways but for that kind of cash, we can buy enough weed to make it through the apocalypse.”
Poppler had no problem admitting the real reason he’s looking forward to playing the inaugural.
“I’m a socially stunted virgin with bad skin, zero self-esteem and a mortal fear of all things female. But I can add. There’ll be like a gazillion people watching live and on TV. Come January 20th, this Bong’s getting laid!”