It’s official – America is great again! Citing statistics released by the Trump Administration’s brand new Bureau of Alternative Facts, press secretary Sean Spicer announced this morning that President Trump has succeeded in fixing everything that was broken in America. Sticking with the new administration’s strategy of changing the subject to sidestep reality, Spicer successfully fended off criticism from a White House press corps that believes alternative facts are just lies whose balls haven’t dropped yet.
“Let’s address the 500 pound elephant in the room. Thanks to the data provided today by The Bureau of Alternative Facts, a non-partisan, factually factish organization that has been an essential part of the executive branch since the 15th century, President Trump has succeeded in making America great again. Anyone who claims otherwise is either a big fat liar, a radical Islamic terrorist, a podiatrist, a radical Islamic terrorist podiatrist, or a Democrat. Also, the President will be nuking one of the Koreas tomorrow afternoon. Which Korea? North? South? Stay tuned. Any questions?”