“President” Donald Trump has reached a decision on who will pay for the wall he plans to erect on the border with Mexico, and it won’t be Mexico. A day after roiling U.S.-Mexico relations by floating the idea of a border tax hike, press secretary Sean Spicer revealed that idea has been scrapped in favor of a plan to raise taxes on Mexican-Americans.
“We’re doubling all taxes on Mexican-Americans, which is way better than getting Mexico to pay for the wall, because it gets the job done without starting a trade war which we would definitely win if we did start it. The point is it’s time Mexican-Americans pay both their fair share and somebody else’s fair share, too. That way, real Americans won’t be burdened with the cost of building the AWESOME DONALD TRUMP WON THE POPULAR VOTE FAIR AND SQUARE GREAT WALL OF TRUMPITY TRUMPITY TRUMP TRUMP! That’s been trademarked. We’re selling hats on the White House lawn.”
Asked how the new tax would be collected, Spicer seemed fuzzy on details.
“Sheesh! You act like we plan this stuff out! I don’t know, I guess we could start a Mexican-American registry. What a hassle! Wait, here’s a thought: let’s double the taxes of everybody with brown skin! Close enough, right? Whew! I love my job!”