The third and final installment of “President” Donald Trump’s phone call with Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull offers up a sobering picture of the new leader of the free world.
Trump: Hello? Hello? Someone must have hung up. It was me. Let the record show that I hung up. Well, that was the worst call I’ve had since Frederick Douglas called to suggest I move Black History Month to May 5th, 2005. Great idea, but the man never shuts up. What’s next? I could call Mexico and order another taco bowl. How about Canada? When’s the last time I threatened Canada? Let’s get a translator in here so I can call Canada.
Turnbull: I’m still here, Mr. President.
Trump: What? Whoa, don’t do that! It could have been very bad. I could have had my finger on the button! Then where would you be? Adios down under, that’s where! Hello? Hello? He’s gone again. This time I for sure hung up on him. Everybody saw that I hung up on him. Australia. Lame! I hear they want to institute Shakira law. Very sad. Where was I? Should we bomb Australia? Get the Joint Chiefs and Bannon in here and let’s figure out a way to bomb Australia without anyone noticing.
Turnbull: I’m still on the line, Mr. President.
Trump: Does anybody know how to work this phone?!?!