Michael Flynn Can’t Remember Stuff He Forgot to Remember

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Actual Photo of Something Way Better Than NATO

“President” Donald Trump’s National Security Adviser can’t remember what he forgot. Following revelations that he may have lied when he said he didn’t discuss sanctions with the Russian ambassador, Michael Flynn admitted today that he suffers from AASTCGMF, or Amnesia About Stuff That Could Get Me Fired. Flynn told thefloydspin it’s not his fault he forgets stuff.

“You expect me to remember a discussion about sanctions I had with the Russian ambassador five minutes after Obama imposed sanctions on Russia? That’s what National Security Agency recordings of my private phone calls with the Russian ambassador are for. By the way, I’m outraged that the NSA recorded my private conversations with the Russian ambassador! How am I supposed to conduct my shadow foreign policy, which I don’t remember conducting, with those guys listening in? I sure hope they don’t know about the discussions I don’t remember having about the United States pulling out of NATO in exchange for a private White House performance by the Russian ballet. The President really really likes Russian ballerinas. Really.”

Flynn didn’t seem to think his memory lapses would affect his job performance.

“So what if I forget I said something? It’s not like I was telling the truth when I said it. And that’s not to say I said it, or that I said I said it, or that if I said I said it, I meant it. Now, do me a favor and forget I said that, because I sure have.”

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