Thank God we have Kellyanne Conway to set the record straight! Conway, went on Fox and Friends today to report that the boisterous crowds showing up at Republican Congressional town halls across the nation are the same professional domestic terrorists responsible for the Bowling Green Massacre, the Houston Holocaust, the New Jersey Genocide and the Salt Lake City Stink-out. Conway, whose relationship with the truth usually causes the truth to throw up in its mouth, expressed dismay that any reasonable person could be angry with their Congressman.
“Look, we all know these fake people showing up at town halls don’t count because most of them aren’t even Republicans. They’re professional liberal nut jobs who think healthcare is for sick people, ice melts when the temperature goes up, and the president shouldn’t lift Russian sanctions while cupping Vladimir Putin’s Faberge eggs. Yesterday, I saw a little girl get up at a town hall and claim she believes in science. Come on! Girls suck at science! This fake kid is a faker. She’s part of the vast left-wing conspiracy that wants to make Republicans look like they don’t care about kids. Nothing could be further from the truth! Somebody needs to slap the cuffs on this fake fakey faker kid, take away her dolly and throw her in jail!”
Conway was asked what evidence she has to connect the rowdy crowds with the Bowling Green Massacre and other alternatragedies.
“Evidence? Ha! Do you honestly think that if Americans cared about evidence I’d have this job?”