Marco Rubio Won’t Do Town Halls Because His Tummy Hurts

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Actual Photo of Marco Rubio Bravely Talking to People Who Agree with Him

Florida Senator Marco Rubio wants everybody to know he has feelings and they can be hurt. Rubio, who refuses to hold town hall meetings with constituents because he might get yelled at for supporting Obamacare repeal, told thefloydspin people need to be more sensitive to the pain he goes through when he is forced to face people who disagree with him.

“Make no mistake, I love getting together with voters for a lively discussion of how right I am about stuff I’m right about. But these activists who want to express their own so called ‘opinions’ make me sick to my stomach. My stomach is very sensitive. I also get a little queasy when I eat bell peppers or apricots. Just mention apricots and I get thirsty and my tummy hurts. I have to drink a quart of water and take a nap.”

Rubio has little sympathy for people who might be hurt by the repeal of Obamacare.

“If people can’t afford health insurance they should do what the rest of us do, become senators. I have excellent insurance, which I earned by doing the hard work of courageously voting for excellent insurance for me. Besides, we are going to replace Obamacare with something much better. It may not cover as many people and it will probably cost more and the benefits will definitely suck but anything is better than Obamacare, right? Oh, my tummy hurts. Good thing I have insurance.”

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