You have to give press secretary Sean Spicer credit. As “President” Trump’s credibility gap grows from chasm to gorge to canyon, Spicer is spanning the gulf with more and more tangled webs of deceit, distortion, deception and flat out bullshit. At this morning’s daily White House press briefing, Spicer told reporters he cannot understand why they insist on contradicting his false claim that Paul Manafort, Trump’s ex-campaign manager, played a “very limited role” in the campaign.

“You guys don’t get it. When I say the President has no idea who this Pete Monafort character is, you need to take me at my word. It’s like last week when I said Galileo proved the world was flat and Al Gore told me there was no such thing as Global Warming and President Obama installed a miniature camera on my electric toothbrush. We all agree these are practically actual factually facty facts, right? So why not believe me now? I swear, if you people can’t trust me, how are we all going to make it through these next twelve years?”

When more than one member of the press pointed out that everything coming out of Spicer’s mouth was false, Spicer invited Senior White House Liar Kellyanne Conway to the podium.

“So you like picking on Sean, huh? Alright, you asked for it. Playtime with Kellyanne! Let’s talk Bowling Green Birth Certificate Voter Fraud Massacre!”