“President” Trump abruptly called off his summit with Kim Jung Un this week when White House aides pointed out that the meeting would be with the leader of North Korea and not the curvy wife of Trump superfan Kanye West. A White House source told thefloydspin Trump was hoping to use the summit to denuclearize Kardashian’s peninsula.

“The president threw an epic tantrum when he found out he was meeting with a spoiled brat narcissist with a normal butt and not a spoiled brat narcissist with a reality TV butt. He blamed Obama, Clinton, Mueller and the microwave oven in the White House press office for Kimswitching him.”

The summit mix-up is indicative of a president who doesn’t always play well with facts.

“You should have seen the look on his face when he found out there’s no such thing as a Nobel Piece Prize. I swear there has got to be a better way to screw over immigrants and poor people. I fully expect to wake up tomorrow to fourteen tweets about buttgate.”