Vladimir Putin isn’t the only sexy Russian Donald Trump has the hots for. The New York Times is reporting the existence of a taped July 18th phone call between Michael Cohen and “President” Trump. This time the conversation is about hush money Cohen paid to Russian spy Maria Butina. Thefloydspin obtained a copy of the tape by having deep meaningful sex with a Hungarian hacker who obtained his copy by having wild macaroni salad sex with a North Korean hacker who obtained her copy by having perfunctory soul crushing sex with Rudy Giuliani.
Trump: Michael, it’s Donald.
Cohen: Mr. President. Good morning, sir. Let the record reflect I’m speaking to President Trump.
Trump: You’re not recording this, are you?
Cohen: Nope. Can you speak up, sir?
Trump: Sure. Hey, you sent the money to Bootie, right?
Trump: That’s my code name for Maria.
Cohen: Speak up, sir.
Trump: Maria. Maria Butina. Pale skin. Always asking for the nuclear codes. Pert little-
Cohen: Got it. The money is in her account. You, uh, didn’t give her the codes, did you sir?
Trump: Don’t worry, it’s Obama’s fault. Hey, you’ve got this handled, right? You don’t think Bootie would cut a deal with Mueller? I guess she couldn’t hurt me too bad. She’s maybe a spy but it’s not like she’s a Playboy model or a porn star or a giraffe. Remember that giraffe? That was a beautiful night, huh?
Cohen: Trust me, she’s the least of your worries.
Trump: I miss that giraffe.
Cohen: Yes, sir.
Trump: I always feel better after we talk.
Cohen: Me too, sir.